I don’t think it is a secret to anyone that family is important to us. We center our whole lives around family and we truly wouldn’t be where we are today without them. Communication has been a core tenant we have worked on for years and has become especially challenging as we get older. Now that we are all working together in a business, communication has become even more important. But, arguably, it is the most challenging part of the job. Why? When we sat down and reflected, we found a few reasons why communication on family farms is challenging.
First, we don’t want to let down or disappoint our family. We want the rest of the family to be impressed with our knowledge, work ethic, and ideas. Confrontation arises when first working together because ideas are different from one another, and like most people we all avoid confrontation like the plague. Not confronting the difference in ideas then builds resentment which leads to bigger issues. For the people involved, there is a constant thought in the back of our mind that we aren’t doing enough or not holding up to the standards of the generations before us. Not working to communicate these differences in opinions will affect day to day operations. The disappointment of not agreeing makes the job not enjoyable and inefficient. To combat the different ideas on the farm and in our business, we have been able to divide up our roles and allow each person to make decisions in their specific job. This does not happen overnight because we have to work with each other long enough to trust that all the jobs will get done. Doing this has helped our farm because we have to communicate what we are doing so that the other family members know!
Getting constructive criticism from your family members is harder mentally than getting it from someone who isn’t family. I think we have all been in a position to receive constructive criticism, so I don’t need to tell you that at first it stings. For some reason, however, receiving it from our family is even worse and our reaction is often more emotional than receiving it from an outside boss. Simply put, we take it very personally and we cannot rationally think through why we are receiving that comment.
We strive to do our best so when someone is essentially telling us we could do it better it is a hit to our confidence. It stings a little deeper and that feeling lingers a little longer than usual because it is coming from someone you truly care about. Often, the criticism is not being given in a calm and respectful manure either because it is in the heat of the moment. This makes it more personal! Just imagine turning into your younger self fight with your sisters. That is how those interactions can go sometimes when working with family.
So what is helpful when navigating these relationships? We are going to share a few things we have learned but we are still working everyday to build stronger relationships.
Give yourself grace. You will mess up and not treat a relationship correctly. We are working on acknowledging our own mistakes and learning to say sorry when we are wrong (These still rarely happen).
Don’t take things personally. Most of the time the reactions from family members are about something they are feeling and rarely about you. Remember this when someone overreacts.
Take a deep breath and think before your answer. This has been a game changer!
Have family meetings. We have implemented this in some areas of our family, but currently working on it in others. Having a set time to sit down and communicate helps to get the agenda across.
Give family members space to be themselves! You don’t have to be together all the time. It is healthy to have your own things.
Plan some intentional family time without work involved!
Working with your family while keeping a good relationship is a juggling act, but you just have to remember that at the end of the day you are all there for the same reasons and no matter what you have to keep an open mind. We are beyond thankful that we get to do what we love every single day with the people we love most and we wouldn’t trade it for anything!
Love,
Olivia, Tabby, Gina, & Kendra
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