Happy Valentine’s Day! This is Tabby here. I am the second oldest sister. My husband Bryan and I have been officially married for 5 years now as of January, and with it being “love” month I wanted to share with everyone 5 things that I have learned in 5 years of marriage. For a little context, Bryan and I are high school sweethearts and were in the same class. We started dating the summer going into our senior year of high school and have been together for 12 years now. We graduated and attended Purdue University together to get our degrees. For as long as I can remember, there was no Tabby without Bryan. Today I wanted to share what I have learned about marriage because we are a little unique in that we both work full time on the farm together with my dad. So….here we go. 5 things I have learned in 5 years of marriage.
It seems a little cliche but teamwork and trust is the first thing that comes to mind. Both in marriage and on the farm, we have learned that if you don’t work together to accomplish tasks or be united with family then conflict will arise. We try our best to operate as a unit in everything we do from finances to farm decisions to what we have planned for the weekend. We believe that a part of teamwork and trust is compromise and delegating tasks. Over the last 5 years we have learned what chores at the house each person does and on the farm we generally divide different jobs between us and my dad. This has worked pretty well because it gives each of us our own space to do the work and if we need help we come work together to get the job done. This structure didn’t happen right away and there was a lot of trial and error until we all found our grove.
That leads me into the second thing I have learned (and continue to learn) is how important communication is. We have been caught in the assumption bubble and sometimes believing we should be able to read each other’s mind! Even though we have been together for so long, we have found that we can never assume anything about what the other is thinking. There is NO such thing as over communicating.
Third, when you are married there are a lot of little things that get on your nerves especially when you work together everyday! This part goes back to the communication piece. You have to communicate the parts/expectations you have as “roommates” and “coworkers”. Needless to say, we did not do this beforehand and we had to learn each other's little quirks. Also, we learned when working together that there are small things that are frustrating. For example, not putting tools away (or in the right spot), different ways we work with animals, or how we want the flow of the day to go. A lot of these little things can add up and build resentment. This often happens during the busy season. So even though we need to communicate the most important things to maintain balance we have also learned we have to let certain things go and not everything is worth fighting over. Things are worth a discussion if they keep occurring and upsetting you.
It is okay to be different and have personalities that complement each other. If you read our enneagram blog you can get the reference. Bryan and I are an enneagram 5 and 2. If you are doing any reading into those personality types it would say that we are double opposites! We have a lot of things in common with our interests and our goals in life, but it turns out that the way we go about life is completely different!! Taking this test was great in our understanding of each other and how we operate.
Lastly, we have learned that it is necessary to get off the farm. Over the last 5 years (other than our honeymoon) we have not taken much time away from the farm. Bryan and I are considered the people who complete daily operations and when you have livestock, they have to be taken care of everyday. Because of this, I was determined to be able to complete all the chores on the farm on my own so that Bryan and my dad could take time off the farm, even if it is for an afternoon or to be able to stay home and rest if one person is sick. For myself, I have learned that if I can change up the daily routine some and run errands for the farm or go to the sale barn for the afternoon my whole mood is better. I am NOT a creature of habit so changing things up is essential!
We hope everyone has a great Valentine’s Day, and if you have any tips and tricks for marriage we would love to hear!
As always, thanks for reading.
Oliva, Tabby, Gina, & Kendra
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